Gah

I'm looking through my old blog posts. Crazy! I sound so different. And take a look at some of the weirdest things i posted!

Dated 7th January '06

"Crazy Tracy,
She smells like rotten spaghetti
It also looks frizzy
She is so hairy
that makes her look so silly
I would definiitely not want her in my party
she'll make everything messy

LOL Just kidding k? No offense! *rolling with laughter"

And look at how different i sound; talking about a growth in my eye.

Dated 14th January 2007

"The Diagnose
Today, I had a most interesting experience. I went to see the eye specialist, Dr. Steven Wong; the one opposite Medan Pelita. My left eye had hurt for the past 2 days. So this morning, when I went for a check up, I told him my left upper eyelid hurt. By the way, he took me for a Malay-speaker til he checked my name and saw my aunt entering. Then he examined the eye with the torch, etc etc. He laughed at me, and he pressed the lower lid. Ouch! Okay, so it was my mistake, the LOWER lid hurt. Anyway, he diagnosed me with stye (direct translation from Hokkien would be "eye needle"). The doctor suggested cream and medicine to help the swell. Anyway, he checked my eyesight. Most amusing, my right eye didn't detect the same letters as the left eye did. He asked if I exercised regularly; I told him about once a week. It was not enough, and he told me to vary the exercises. After a few questions... He told me that I had signs of having diabetes in the furthur future. Great, just great. Well, anyway, that's to be worried in the 20 years to come, so let me continue. Dr. Steven told me the stye was pretty big, so he gave me an option. To operate it or to go for the medication. Well to prevent further growth, I took the 1st option.
The Operation
So, I lied on the bed and the nurse gave me 3 different drops of medicince. It was slightly numb. The doctor himself, later gave an injection at the side of the eye. I was surprised at how long the injection took. He poked the needle in, pushed the anesthetic, then pulled it slightly out, aimed for another vein(I think) and injected some anesthetic. I'm not very sure, but I think there were three parts which received the anesthetic altogether. So the numbness spread immediately and he took a tool. It was round at the end. He enclosed the tool at the "seed" of the stye. He took something like a... "pencungkil" and started getting rid of the stye. Even tough I was having a conversation with the doctor during the operation(it was about school), I could hear the sound of him trying to dig the stye. Haha, something like "TAK! TAK!"
The Cream
A tissue was pressed to my eye to stop the bleeding. I hadn't realised how bloody it had been til I saw the tissue. After a few minutes, the nurse applied some cream into the eye. It blurred my sight a lot. Then, I as free to go. I was given the same cream to be applied 3 times a day and anti biotic. I just received my second apply of cream, so therefore, pardon me of any typos.
Conclusion
It is really irritating to have an eye blurred. So, I realised how lucky we all are. It was hard and I was really nervous when I tried groping my way during lunch when we ate out. So, to everyone out there, with a good eyesight, appreciate it. And have a good exercise and cut your intake of sugar and fatty food. Ok, that's for myself. >.<"

and how protective i was about gay rights:S To make it clear, i felt they needed help. I'm against homosexuality, but don't condemn those involved.

Dated 5th September 2007

"Two days ago, during History, this was approximately what our Sejarah teacher said
"I condemn those gays." "Our agama teaches us..." "Angelina Jolie is a bisexual."
I think before anyone has the right to start condemning, we should understand the full situation. No one is asked to be born unusual and different from the others.
If we looked at this matter properly, we should understand that homosexuals, lesbiens, bisexuals, whatever you call them, are no different from us. They merely fall for the wrong gender. And hasn't the saying always say that love is never fair and wrong or right? Their right of loving shouldn't be ripped away by the society. I'm not at all saying that I agree with this unhealthy relationship of course, just that, has anyone (especially you Pn Norizan), actually ever tried to help? Common reactions of people towards gays and lesbiens are disgust and hatred. I ask you, if one day, you found out that your best friend is one, would you still accept him/ her? I would, because by then you would understand why that happened upon them.
I am sure no religion ever stated that God condemn those like that. He even forgives the prostitutes, why not these people? So then, who are we to condemn?


There are a few reasons why people are gay/ lesbien. Perhaps they were deeply hurt before by the opposite sex and hates the entire comminity of similar gender. So, somehow, they would turn to one of their own. After all, who would know them better other than their own kind?

P/S : If you're lazy, don't read the bolded phrases, they are just studies.

According to the Seattle Times, Sunday, June 19, 2005

"About 3 percent of American men and 1.5 percent of women describe themselves as gay or bisexual. Those percentages are three to five times higher among people who have a gay brother or sister."

Why does that happen then?
Read this statement from the same source

"The Corvallis herd includes a group of rams that scientists delicately refer to as "male-oriented." These animals consistently ignore females and bestow all their amorous attentions on members of their own sex.

Researcher Charles Roselli says a decade of study suggests sexual orientation is largely hard-wired into the sheep's brains before birth. Now, he's trying to figure out how that happens, zeroing in on genes and hormones. In a bold test of his ideas, he hopes to engineer the birth of gay rams by altering conditions in the womb.

Sheep aren't people, but the Oregon work adds to a growing body of research that bolsters biological explanations for sexual orientation across species — including humans."
See, it even happens to animals.

And in America, people are doing something about it, not condemning these people who are already so lost and confused.

"Despite those scientific findings, some religious groups say homosexuality is a lifestyle that can be treated, if not prevented. One such group, the conservative Christian organization Focus on the Family, is sponsoring a one-day conference in Bothell Saturday."

According to Dena Bodian, even genes influences this behaviour!

" Genes are not responsible for an individual's actions; they simply guide the "sequence of a particular protein that may influence behavior. However, it is possible that there is a genetic factor which is responsible for a protein synthesis resulting in particular sex hormone levels (namely testosterone and estrogen) which could augment certain sex-typical characteristics, and might explain sexual behavior"

According to Fred Delcomyn

"Mammals naturally develop as females "in the absence of sex hormones." Without the intervention of androgens (testicular hormones, specifically testosterone), all mammals develop in utero as female. Not only are the genitals identical in early fetal development but the hypothalami are the same size. In humans, the influx of testosterone occurs between the second and fifth month of pregnancy."

Yes boys, this means that you guys were girls for two months.

More studies,

" Hormones are responsible for activating specific neural circuits which in turn cause sex-specific behavior. In males, testosterone induces physical traits as well as "malelike behavior." Without testosterone, estrogen serves as the "default" hormone and causes female development. The term sex-specific behavior refers to gender-typical traits, whether the actions are themselves sexual (like rats mounting) or simply social (like young boys typically playing in a more aggressive manner than do girls)."

See, condemning homosexuals would actually mean condemning boys playing aggresively! Speak for yourselves, all you guys who think being gay is funny and disgusting!

From another web it says this

"Of the scientists who have concentrated on hormonal or psychoendocrinological studies of homosexuality, Günter Dörner, of Germany, is one of the best known. In the 1970s Dorner classified homosexuality as a "central nervous pseudohermaphroditism," meaning that he considered male homosexuals to have brains with the mating centers of women but, of course, the bodies of men. For decades endocrinologists had speculated that because male sex hormones are known to be responsible in human beings for masculine body characteristics and in animals for certain aspects of male sexual behavior, it follows that adult homosexual men should have lower levels of testosterone, or else higher levels of estrogen, in the bloodstream than adult heterosexual men, and that homosexual and heterosexual women should display the opposite pattern. This is known as the "adult hormonal theory" of sexual orientation, and Dorner claimed that some initial studies bore it out."

So basically, we can conclude that homosexuality happens because of the arrangement of estrogen and testosterone. (Who knows you guys, one day, you'd wake up without your male hormones! YOU WOULD BE GAY!) It isn't impossible you know. Anyway, it also happens because of psychology (which I haven't researched on but I think makes perfect sense). It happens because of up- bringing. It happens because of their genes. It happens because God gives opportunity for the society to help and understand. Never condemn them because we are no different. What's the point of being straight when the heart is crooked? According to Wikipedia, homosexuality "can refer to both sexual behavior or attraction between people of the same sex, or to a sexual orientation. When describing the latter, it refers to enduring sexual and romantic attraction towards those of the same sex, but not necessarily to sexual behavior."
Homosexuality doesn't mean evil.

P/S: Please, just because I did this doesn't mean I'm not straight okay. People keep saying that! I just think that we should be more understanding don't you think?"

Even weirder still, look at a BAHASA poem i composed.

Dated 5th December 2007

"Hari Ini
kedukaan menghadapi,
dengan penuh kesedaran dan pengetahuan,
bahawa tak akanlah bisa menjadi seperti kelmarin.
dakapilah sekarang dengan segala kemampuan,
kiralah saat- saat yang menghingapi ingatan,
serta dengupan gelora yang datang melamuni,
untuk membawa sisa- sisa masa pulang ke lautan meluas...
hari ini tetap menemui kenyataan,
sekarang inilah yang akan menjadi lampau,
bagi hari esok yang datang mencuba,
menggoda dan mengubah pertalian sedia ada.
bisakah dakapanmu terus menyediakan bayang?
masihkah senyuman itu dapat menutupi kekosongan jiwa?
sampailah kini di penghujung jalan,
tunduklah diri, tidak lagi dapat mara...
andai akan esok telah datang melayang,
membawa kembali bersama angin pedih,
kenangan sekarang...
mungkin jadi ini ratapan kebimbangan,
juga sebak mengetahui,
akan perubahan keesokan.
peganglah tangan ini,
rapatilah keletihan mata,
agar semua jadi mimpi...
mimpi yang tak akan bangun
agar kebenaran hari ini,
tak akanlah menjadi bayangan besok hari.
~*~
Okay, I know, strange of me. Only my second work ever in Bahasa. Changes are happening lately in my life, and to everyone else out there who's going through them to, here's to you. It isn't called Life without obstacles so hang in there."

Yes, strange! Actually, i apparently chose the nicer sounding posts to share but going through the rest.. gah, i sounded like a 3 year old asking for ice cream! haha and it kinda reminds me how my values, opinions and character have changed through those times (coverline for sounding to pathetic last time hahaha)