Write.

As someone who posts thoughts, events, writings and the likes of those on the internet with relative regularity, as someone who enjoys language, harbours and collects certain materials for personal interests, i do wonder at times my motives in writing and reading.

The trend of blogging, as far as i was concerned, hit Kuching-nites about 5 years ago. That was when i first blogged. Initially, of course, i was influenced by some seniors in school and the Ocean magazine to try out blogging. So, together with Reening, who's been my longest companion in language and writing til this moment, we tried our hands at blogging.

We started posting things we found amusing, such as happenings in school and we mostly focused on writing stories (Remember we never finished anything we begun? Hehe.) It was a kid's dream, to be special, to be able to express oneself and more importantly, it was quite a trend to write back then.

And of course, the trend died out but we continued on with our blogs, reverting our writings to more mellow(emo became the trend!!!) and mature things, and going for poetry more.

However, for the last two years, it came back into fashion and people i never expected would even hold a pen started blogging. In the course of those blogging years, i've opened and closed down about four blogging accounts all together, each time questioning my own motives and each time changing my writing style rather subtly.

What is the purpose of writing? What is the purpose of publishing one's thoughts and for some people even; very personal details of their lives on the internet, where it can be publicly accessed?

I looked back at my old posts and blogs, and noticed that the "peak" of my blogging season seems to be when i ranted and complained and made fun of people and events or wrote practically meaningless stuff. What does that prove? That people have the desire to patronize and feel better that they aren't the only ones feeling lost?

Indeed, writing even became a sorta propaganda and a "popularity gauge" as i would call it, at a certain time. And that was when i last stopped blogging. I just couldn't see the point in it; people talking about their love lives with oh-what-a-sad-life-i've-had tones on the internet, people sharing about a movie they last watched, people just posting things i simply cannot understand with words like "nabeh", "orxxx", "swts", "=.=" etc and people posting up photos.

Naturally, blogging is a form of entertainment, just like Facebook now i would think, a conduit for people to stay connected and to be kept updated. But surely, there must be more to it than that? How did people get so jaded, that such indirect contact with other souls out there become a desperation to connect?

I don't really know how to piece what i feel and think about this whole thing; it is rather confusing. Writing had always, always been around since man could do so. But it had never been such that it could be done this conveniently so. True enough, it's supposed to be a tool of expression and early men must've been desperate enough for more communication to even evolute writings.

With all these doubts and wonders, when i decided that i love writing and penning(though electronically) my thoughts down too much, i decided to try a different approach at blogging, something perhaps, which might satisfy me more. Not the number of comments, or how much my posts are being appreciated or how many views my blog gained. Those used to matter and maybe, it somehow still does, acting as a motivation, but there has to be something more important in writing for me myself; the author, rather than for my readers.

Sure, i still post up musings i think may interest or entertain people, still try to keep what i write entertaining and with-holding for readers, but this channel is becoming more of a place where i write what i want to write, no matter how strange it seems to the eyes of public.

Then why not keep a journal instead? you ask. A good question i can't really answer:) There are some things written which we might not post up for public views, of course: pieces of scribbled paper here and there but the few that we do post online, are probably to connect with people. But when that gets tiring, many people will just stop blogging, as i have seen. So, why write? Why should we write? What's its existence for?

I believe the answer for me is along those lines below, which i stumbled upon just last night:


" Now the love of wisdom in Greek is called philosophy and it was with such a desire that these writings inflamed me. Some there are who seduce by philosophy, disguising and colouring their errors with this great, pleasing and honourable name: almost all who were such, in the author's time or before, are set down and described in that book.

There also is expressed that salutary admonition of Your Spirit, which was spoken through Your good and pious servant: See to it that no one deceives you by philosophy and vain deceit, according to human traditions, according to the elements of the world and not according to Christ. For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily(Col 2: 8-9)"
-- Confessions of St. Augustine; Book 3, Chapter 4

And you may not get what i'm ranting about, but it doesn't matter;)