They didn't know

I lifted my head, and got out of bed

Mumbled bye to mum

And I hurried, and said I was running late

Didn’t want to meet her eyes

Lest she saw my lies

This way, she didn’t know.

Walked, and lit four cigarettes

And downed water

Got to school, and raised my fingers two

I could easily play her a fool

This way, she didn’t know.

I laughed at my peers

I shuffled my feet and hurled jeers

Joked that they were in on chalk

I’d hide in plain sight

A blindspot in blinding light

This way, they didn’t know.

The bell-

I could taste bitter gall

And I left my friends

With perfected pretence

Got my stash, found my alley

Made a gash and oh remedy

This way, they didn’t know.

I lifted my head and laid in bed

Yelled at her, told her to be dead

I might’ve said that or

It happened in my head

I have to shut my eyes and tell my lies

So this way, she doesn’t know.

Stumbled, and fumbled in my pocket

Desperate to light a high

Got to school, and said my internal bye

I raised fingers for the last time

So this way, she doesn’t know.

I laughed at myself

My own enemy in my skin

Grabbed my stuff from the shelf

I’d hide behind the water tank

To hide my death where it stank

This way, they don’t know.

The siren-

There was a warrant

A search, a struggle, a confession

They found me and now they know

Asked me how, and I said

The rush, the high, the crash

All these- I didn’t know.