Be Awesome

I hate this feeling. It's called helplessness.


There is nothing you can do to make it better but just wait for it to pass, if it even does.


It's how you miss home, how you miss the people and everything familiar. Waking up in your own bed, seeing the faces of the people you love each day, going to Mass and just being able to do nothing. How you can just...simply be there for everything that happens through thick and thin.

And all that is snatched away from you in the name of education.


There are times i wonder if this is all worth it. I pursue an education because i want betterment for my own life, but more importantly for the betterment of my family and people i care about. These are my dreams. So there are the moments i get so blinded that i just can't see what the point is if i'm away from home. And it's being far from home which cracks you up and there harbours in your head all the bad things which could possibly go wrong at home. And honestly, who could blame you for that? Things have happened and it only takes so much to plant fear in young hearts.


I hate complaining. And i hate not looking at things in the right way. I really do. It is a sign of being unappreciative and a sign of weakness. I hate that this is what i've settled for at this very moment.


And i know, i have to start realising that i'm here for a reason, whatever the reason is and i can only pray that it be worthwhile.

When you're in a situation like this, wallowing in so much self-pity, there is only God you can turn to. And i truly truly need that.


"Do not worry." were His words. And because they were His for me, i'm going to make an effort. And i will make a choice to live my life and live it good.


I'll also remember the single word i've been told which will make me strong through it all. Steadfast!

And so steadfast i'll be and i'll be okay. Because not being okay is being selfish. My family did not sacrifice to send me here so that i complain. I'm granted a scholarship and there are others yearning for it. I have a loan which others need more than i do. There are all sorts of means of communication today which were not available in previous generations. There are people here too i should care for and shine Christ's light upon. I should have no reason to be bitter.

Maybe one day i'll look back at this and laugh.

And if i should fall, please consider it your obligation to smack me hard in the face and help me pick myself up again so that i see clearly where my priorities should lie. And i guess that's why Christ is centered in community. Man need men and however much i try not to rely on that, it is true.


And i'll try the best i can to do the same for you.


So when i get sad, i stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.