Firsts

This semester has been a crazy one for me and it's full of firsts.

My first screwed up assignment. My first organising a last minute fund raising. My first time staying up for almost 24 hours because of an assignment. First time moving into a condominium. First time touring the entire area, searching for furniture. First time i actually ran in college to hand in my assignment on time. First time i feel threatened by my studies. First time i got this sick out here, twice in two weeks. First time i lose myself this far..First, first, first.

Amidst all those firsts..there are better firsts which brought me through. First time i sit down in quiet every night and morning to pray. First time nothing is within my control and so only God is. First time i feel so so clueless and cling on tightly to God's promises because what else do i have? First time i really have no idea who i am anymore, who i wanna become and what i wanna do. First time before turning to anyone else, i turn to Him. First time i fall almost instantly asleep every night. First in ages that i do not look at my own unworthiness but focus on His beauty and grace.

First time i feel this terrible and so very scared but i look forwards to a better tomorrow. It will come. It has to.