lent and borrowed

a blessed Lenten season to you. i wish you beauty. i wish you friendship. i wish you strength. i wish you love. i wish you grace enough to last a lifetime. i wish you joy. i wish you Jesus.

i just want to start this 40-days journey by acknowledging how wonderful life has been to me. i'm actually feeling quite joyous. which is saying something, because most years i kick off Lent reflecting and contemplating, to some degree, with melancholy and remorse.

i used to be very grievous about the sinful state i'd always been in and i think i rather enjoyed mentally and emotionally abusing myself over all the mistakes and mess (deliberate and non-deliberate) i made. in a way, it provided some release.

but this year, it is different. i want to strive better to accept my weaknesses, to man up to them, to grow along regardless, to believe that i can be a better person and to continue begging for strength.

everything looks more beautiful this way. and i know God and people around me can help me better this way, only by opening myself up. not easy. to be vulnerable and to open up to others. especially those closest.

but i guess this, in a way, is what Jesus meant. be like a child. innocent. believing. vulnerable. honest. open. unafraid.

i'll try my best and i pray that one day, i will be brave enough to tell you my story. i promise it is quite a good one.

one sentence struck my innermost being during yesterday's Homily.

"the closer you are to God, the further you are from God's broken people."

case in point; the Pharisees. the priest who walked past the injured man in the story of the Good Samaritan.

it is a strange paradox, which strangely, i do see happen.

it is always tempting and comforting to feel self-sufficient. to feel as though life is fine as long as God is on my side. if you asked me, this is a lie. i've learned the hard way.

to have God in life, is to always have enough room in my heart for his people, especially those who are broken.

never one without the other. i don't know about you, but throughout my life, God has always lent me strength. He has always lent me a companion, a friend, a stranger, any of His people whenever He saw that i needed one. not one of them can i claim as my own. all are given simply because He loves and is gracious. and yet we have always borrowed off each other.

i can see this crucial point so much clearly now. because i cannot claim to love God without loving others and i cannot love others without loving God. and these take leaps of faith. these mean breaking through comfort zones. these take sacrifices. these can involve making difficult decisions and doing things i'd never imagine myself doing.

i pray that you have a blessed Lenten season, i pray that you draw closer than ever to our Resurrected Lord, have grace in abundance and see clearer than ever the afflicted all around us.

i pray this journey be yours and mine.