a letter of never ever

You know how sometimes life sweeps us ashore and we find ourselves deserted on islands? And how we very easily lose touch with people we once knew and cared about? It could be a family member, a close friend or anyone at all. Then we'd try and yell out loudly to them. Sometimes that works.

Sometimes it doesn't and we simply forget as time passes by. Or we may shrug and throw that into the list of "Things Not Meant to Be" in life.

But how often do we get to write them a letter instead?

Well here's mine.

To whom it may concern,

I have no idea how psycho this might come across for you but have you ever thought of me and wondered how we drifted apart then felt really guilty about it and stalked me on every social network you know i'm on?

It's weird really. Sometimes, i do not think of you for days..months even. One day, i wake up and i suddenly do. Then i'll miss you badly. I'll find myself remembering peaks of our friendship and i'll almost laugh out loud to myself at the thought of how at that particular moment, it had felt like the most important thing to me ever. Oh the thrill of getting to know you and of meeting you. How we used to tell each other things, until we'd come to the point where we didn't have to because even silence made sense when it's with you.

Sadly, like many things in life, the moments pass and so do we on this friendship. Maybe something just failed to fall into place. Maybe you found someone more suitable to occupy your time. Maybe you moved away. Maybe i moved away. The reasons come easily enough.

Nothing stays the same. But the best things are always yet to come. Thank God that much is true.

I just want to tell you how sorry i am -not in a sad what-can-i-do-to-make-things-better kind of way, no, not necessarily-- that these days, it takes more than a verse in the Bible, a rainbow in the sky, a line in a book, a song or the smell of rain to remind me of you. I'm sorry for those times when you truly needed a friend but i just wasn't there. And for those moments i learned more about you from others than i did from you. Also, for those times i thought of myself before you and for all the attention-seeking conversations i spawned on you. If i'd open my eyes more widely, i'd see that i needed you more than your sympathies.

This letter comes a little too late (like many things in life, once again). You may have given up on me. Or you could have found that you do just as well without me. Or you just can't for the life of you stay on the same page as i am in this wild ride called life. Or you know, you just can't figure out the right conversations for us and everything we say comes out sounding dumb and awkward. Maybe you like clothes and i like books. Or something. Sometimes i'd try to initiate a conversation and you'll leave me feeling terribly upset with your one-worded responses or lack of interest.

But here's the strange thing about friendships (why do i sound like Ted Mosby?) - we think they fall apart. But they don't. Not really. We think to ourselves, "We don't talk anymore except when it's your birthday and Facebook reminded me to wish you once a year. We hardly see each other. Are we still friends?"
Thing is, it's always there no matter what we think and however little we remember. It's never-ending, ever-haunting us, shaping every course of our actions and decisions. It's not confined to the time we spent together,

I've not heard from you in ages. But you know what, i'm glad we happened because life would've been different otherwise and i pray you find treasures which last in this lifetime even if i'm not one of them.


Your friend,

Sophia.