A loud silence

I haven't dared seek Silence. I have drowned her out in noise because She's conscience and voice. And a deep, deep abyss of absence so big I could reach out and feel around it.

Surely, this is some else's life.

Mine is one where I could wake up knowing I'd tell you about my day at the end of it. Zero judgment and zero reservation. Mine is where I didn't have to hide my sorrows because I shared them with you. Mine is where you would laugh at my puns, my horrible jokes and where you'd wipe my tears. Mine is the life where you'd take me into your arms and into the rain everytime I came running and oh the number of times I came running. And then you'd tell me that it'll be okay and that we can only live day to day. Mine where you'd help me make sense of things, tell me to be brave in pursuing my dreams and guide me to be compassionate as you've been compassionate. One where I didn't feel like a lesser person. Mine a life where I would never have to feel so acutely how I stand alone and stand apart. Mine where my hopes and dreams for the future were not rudely shattered. Mine where every waking hour is not laden with grief.

Mine the life with you in it. 

But what was mine has been returned, borrowed no more.