The year twenty twelve has been overwhelming (i use this word too much and too liberally, but heck i can't think of a better way to put it).
I can still remember starting the year carrying with me much hopes and disappointments, dreams, fears and what-if's. I've shed some along the way, and carried even more into this new year.
It's been a touch and go. Of people. Of places. A blur in the timeline as the lens of life focuses on faces, runs along and whizzes ahead until they are no more.
I can vividly remember one particular dark and endless night. I can remember the despair of having no one to turn to and the thought that my God may have indeed forsaken me. No help came that night in any apparent form. But dawn did.
In retrospect i see the many times i fell, picked myself up, fell and picked myself up. Again and again. And i see how God cheers me on when He thinks i can do it and carries me when i no longer can.
I see faces of people i've come to know and love. And i can't forget.
I hurt, i cried, i loved, i laughed and i survived. I opened the doors of my heart a little wider.
And there can't be anything more to ask for.
Twenty thirteen's going to be something. Because why wouldn't it be? It's the idea that the worst of men can start afresh. That sinners get to come home. It's new, it's exciting, it's awfully frightening and there are roads far from home to tread on.
As of late, i cannot feel Him near me which makes most days difficult to get by but all the more awe-inspiring to learn that He's there nevertheless.
My God and His boundless love exist beyond my feelings and wretchedness.
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