Best Friend?

Ever since i came to KL, i noticed something quite peculiar. Maybe it's the distance they experience or something which makes people talk this way or it could really be something.


Everyone seems to have a..wait for it...

-best friend.

It's so common to hear my friends here talk about a certain best friend they have. Usually back home. Even guys. I don't mean to sound sexist but i never thought that boys are the kind who would refer to anyone as their best friend or something.

It may be somewhat lame but it actually got me thinking.


I realised that i never have a best friend. I never referred to anyone as my best friend. Everytime i talked about any of my friends, i usually refer to them as "one of my closest" friends.

And it got me thinking, why?

Is this best friend thing real?

I cherish my friendships. I really really do. But i just don't do "best friend stuff", if you know what i mean. As Robin Scherbatsky would put it, "Am i wired wrong?"

Sometimes i wish i did. I see two people who are best friends to each other do everything together and i wonder why i am different in that sense. However close i ever get with any of my friends, i keep a certain boundary. It doesn't mean that i do not love them. Not at all. Maybe it's a wall i built to protect myself. Or maybe that's just who i am.

How is it possible to be on the phone with a friend daily for hours? How is it possible to talk anything and everything with that friend? To share the details of your days and lives. To love the same things. To know and accept every flaw. It is something i quite want, but i'm just not built to have. When i pick up a phone to call somebody just to ask how their day is, i hesitate. When i want to send a text message, i hesitate. Even to open my mouth and ask "How are you?" can be so difficult for me. Or to open it and say, "I have something to tell you."

In retrospect, i even realised that back in school i've never stuck to anyone. I seem to have been floating here and there, among my friends. I enjoy boy stuff most of the time and enjoyed my leisure quite differently from others. And when situations arose, i'll notice that i tend to be in it by myself.


Maybe it'll always be a mystery to me. And it is quite sad, really. I don't really know how to put it in words.


But i guess, in some ways that doesn't matter. I have a wonderful God, i have a wonderful family.

And best friend or no best friend..i know in my heart that you guys are the best and most awesome.