Repercussions

It's been a few years.

And for those few years, around this time of the year, i face the same questions. The same haunting faces and memories.

As we draw nearer and nearer to Christmas, the more i cannot understand why anyone would do that.

Why would you do something like that to your own so- called best friends? How could you say something else face- front but behind, you tell all these stories which eventually cause so much heartache and misunderstanding?

And knowing and having heard for myself what tales you spurned, i cannot see why others don't see this; why can't they see that your elegant words do not depict truth? Do they even know what you have done? Because it makes me wish i didn't know sometimes. Makes me wish i had fled back then. It's the heaviest thing to carry.

I don't know why it had to happen that way. I don't understand why i struck those friendships. I don't know why this is how God chose to lead me back to the right path.

Everything happens for a reason and one day, perhaps He will turn this bitterness into something beautiful. But for now, i still wait.

In some ways, i'm actually glad to be away from home before Christmas itself. Because i don't want to go through the old notions of your lies and how that has murdered so many things.

Every year, i pray that my heart will soon grow to have enough room for this and then move on.