Of Closing Cycles

I've just gone through some blogs and facebook posts of others. I get a weird feeling from it. A bubbly warm kind of feeling which seems to emanate from the heart.

The feeling makes me feel less alone and less afraid. It tells me that there are people in the world who have walked this path before me. There are people, some of whom i even know, who are walking the same path this very moment.

I read and found out how changes and goodbyes scare people. Even those who have grown so accustomed to it. How it is so very honestly difficult and sometimes you just need a moment by yourself and to maybe cry it out. Just admitting it eases off some of the weight of it all.


And yes, there may be those who can take it better than others. There are some who might not even understand why we are swaying in between the present and memories in the past.

I've been more blessed than most, i know. In the span of 7 months, i've gone home four times. And with every return, i ask myself when i would stop tearing up with each departure. I ask myself when it would become more of a norm, like how it is with most of the other family members who are no longer around. How they can live their own lives elsewhere.

But today, reading the stories of others and remembering what some people go through, i realise that maybe i don't need to be like anyone else. I have nothing to prove.

My cousin Aaron recently graduated and when i was home watching the ceremony photos on CD, i suddenly recalled my purpose. I have a dream. And though i have been very confused about it, i see much clearly now. I did choose this path myself and i pray it be the right one. Four years into the future, what i want is to see my family by my side, all happy and proud of me.

And everything else, whether it's a dream come true or not.. well it's just a risk i have to take isn't it?

I miss home, i miss my family, i miss my friends. I went home and felt so changed. Maybe i was trying too hard to bridge the gaps distance has built. And it scared me.

But maybe that isn't a bad thing at all. It's probably a good thing, a very good thing. Because if i didn't, how will we know that we actually care?:))

So i decided that i don't have to be like anybody else. So- called strong or optimistic about the changes and the future. If four years down the road and i still feel strongly about being away from home, so be it. The best is yet to come.

And tomorrow will be a better day.